Crawling in the skin of Shinji Ikari
by Rifleman
Summary: I wrote this to the song "Crawling" by Linkin Park©. Its a songfic yes i know, plz bear with me. it has a surprise ending, if that grabs yer attention yha lazy bumz...


Crawling-Songfic Authors Note: First off, I don't own Evangelion, GAINAX and some other people do. Second, you may or may not know the music to this song, as it is not played in some parts of the country (the USA). Nevertheless, work with the lyrics a bit and they start to form a song, but more to the point; this song seemed absolutely **PERFECT** for Eva. Enjoy! PLZ REVIEW!!!!  
  
  
_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
_   
Shinji finally got out of that God-forsaken entry plug. It was the source of all his misfortunes. Misfortune with school. Misfortune with his father. Misfortune with fate itself, even. Now it had given him something, although he would rather not have it. It had given him physical scars to go with the emotional ones. During a routine test, his Eva had gone berserk and in the forced ejection, the entry plug had become superheated; so he now had burns all over his body. They said it was due to a systems malfunction. Little did they know that the "system" in question was the pilot. Just before the Eva went berserk, he saw various things from his mothers memories. After all she wanted to know her son didn't she?  
  
_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming, confusing_  
  
Laying in the hospital bed, he reflected on the things he had survived in his short lifetime. His initial arrival in Tokyo-3, Eva-01, Misato's cooking. His mind raced.  
  
_This lack of self control I fear is never ending  
Controlling, I can't seem  
To find myself again  
My walls are closing in_  
  
Shinji stopped himself in midthought, "What is wrong with me?" he asked himself, hoping against hope that he would find an answer. As usual, there was no answer from any inner self, no absolution he could see over the horizon. He knew full well that he didn't want to be the coward that he thought himself to be. He wanted to be strong and powerful, just like his father. But at the same time he hated his father with a passion that burned deep in his soul; so he couldn't be just like his father no matter what. The Eva and his mother's soul knew this as well, and therefore; Shinji's dilemma.  
  
_[Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced  
There's just too much pressure to take]_  
  
He pondered his situation for hours on end, staying conscious long into the night, and only falling asleep in the very early morning; just before the sun rose in the eastern sky. A sky of red, one that would become blue. It reminded him of Asuka and Rei in that sense. The way the day began with a warm almost fiery glow and brightness, then the cool, blue, constant sky; not unlike the persons they represented in Shinji's mind. Also since those colors seemed their dominant or stylized traits. Just before sleep released him from the burden of thinking, he thought of all the things he was responsible for, and thought "It's too fucking much...just...too...fucking...much." and then sleep enveloped him.  
  
_I've felt this way before  
So insecure_  
  
Waking in the morning with the sun in his face and on his chest, Shinji momentarily happy as he was only aware of the beautiful sunrise, forgetting his responsibilities. But then the flood of reality hit him with every harsh memory ever to be dredged from the pits of his mind.  
  
_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real_  
  
_Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting, reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection_  
  
Getting out of the hospital bed, Shinji began to look himself over to see if he was missing any major limbs or organs. However, seeing himself in the mirror, he thought about what he looked like and what he was and how the two seemed to contradict and agree with one another at the same time. It was mind-boggling.  
  
_It's haunting how I can't seem  
To find myself again  
My walls are closing in_  
  
Shinji went back to the bed and held his head in his hands for a while, repeating to himself "Who am I? Who am I?" unable to comprehend his own thoughts. Driving him to insanity it would seem.  
  
_[Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced  
There's just too much pressure to take]  
I've felt this way before  
So insecure_  
  
Then the world seemed to melt away before his eyes. All the objects and backgrounds and such started dripping, swirling, interlacing, whatever you call it. It all conglomerated into a swirling mass of indistinguishable things. Then it disappeared altogether.  
"SHINJI! WAKE THE HELL UP!"  
"Wha-what?"  
"Good, you're awake." It was the voice of Misato.  
"What the hell happened?"  
"There was a small glitch and the Eva stumbled and hit its head on the wall. It knocked you out, you're probably still in shock. We're getting you out of there right now."  
"O-o-ok"  
  
_Crawling in my skin  
These wounds, they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing, confusing what is real  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface.  
Consuming, confusing what is real  
This lack of self control I fear is never ending_  
  
As Shinji got out of the entry plug and finally breathed real air, not the LCL of the entry plug, his sense of touch started to return. That's when he felt something very different about his skin, like it was stiff and crusty. He looked down to see burns on almost every inch of his skin. "Oh....shit."  
  
_Controlling, confusing what is real_  



End file.
